As it is in Heaven
by Sphynx
Summary: It's funny how you never really get to know someone until you've found out that they're dying. It’s sad really. Sad that it takes death to bring us closer together in life. Angst


It's funny how you never really get to know someone until you've found out that they're dying. Some people you just don't really pay that much attention to, like the quiet ones. People that I used to pick on. No one notices them until one day they walk in and announce 'I'm dying of whatever and have three months to live'. And then EVERYONE wants to get to know them. It's sad really. Sad that it takes death to bring us closer together in life. It should be the other way around.  
  
But it's not. And it's to late now.  
  
I'm sitting here silently staring at the body lying here in the casket. You know, people were right; it really does look like the person is sleeping. And eternal sleep maybe, but still sleep. The hair is slightly in your face, in front of your eyes like it was in life. You look very peaceful. I hope you're at peace now; you never had much in life.....  
  
I feel guilty. I don't know why, but I do. Like I had something to do with your death. I know for a fact that I didn't have anything to do with it at ALL but....you were a good friend. It took three months before you died to know that, but you were a good person. I thank you for that.  
  
So I'm sitting here in a funeral home with flowers, a casket, your body and pictures of you all around. I pick up one of them, running my finger over the name beside it.  
  
Ryou Bakura.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Looking back, you never had any symptoms leading up to your illness. You were the same kind, shy, kind of cheerful, quiet Ryou that you had always been. Nothing showed that you felt anything at all. To be truthful, I don't think you had any idea of what you had going on inside of you any more than the rest of the world did. One moment you were perfectly fine, the next thing we know, you're in the hospital in critical condition.  
  
You had an uncommon disease called Myocarditis that left untreated, had left you with heart failure. The doctors were still unsure of how that had happened, considering most people have symptoms and are taking medication for it long before it goes as far as yours did. It was already an uncommon illness, but to leave you in heart failure was even more uncommon that usual. You were always a different one.  
  
After you were released, you needed someone to take care of you. Just to make sure that nothing else happened to you. Since it was the summer, I was out of a job and didn't have anything better to do, I offered to help take care of you. Your father thanked me to no end offering to pay me for it. I told him no but he insisted. Hey, I'm not greedy, but I'm not going to turn down money if someone insists on paying me for something.  
  
You were pretty much helpless those first few weeks. You were tired, weak, didn't feel good, but despite all of that, you were in a pretty good mood. When you felt like it, you sat up and talked. Usually about nothing in particular, but it was good small talk until you got to feeling better.  
  
However our talks got a little more serious from time to time. Like the I learned something about you I really never had before. I'm not sure why, but I had always been a little more involved with Honda and Yuugi to really get to know you.  
  
"Have you ever loved someone so much you would die for them?"  
  
The question caught me off guard. "Well, of course," I answered, leaning back in my chair. "I would die any given day for my sister. And I would Yuugi....I would probably even die for Kaiba if he were in trouble."  
  
You sat there a moment, thoughts going through your head. "It must be nice to love someone that much. Must be nice to BE loved that much."  
  
"You're loved." I countered.  
  
You sat there for a moment, not saying anything. You eyes were on your bowl of macaroni and cheese I had scrounged up from somewhere. "I was once. My younger sister I think loved me like that. I know I certainly did her. I remember promising her that I would never let anything happen to her....."  
  
"What happned to her?"  
  
"Her and mom were on their way back from a trip to see my Grandmother in Manchester." Oh right, I keep forgetting you're originally from England. "I had to stay at home because I had gotten the flu and Dad didn't really want to go anyway. A car died in the middle of the road and Mom didn't have enough time to stop.....rolled the car about three times. Threw Amane from the car; she was killed instantly. Mom died later in the hospital. It's just been Dad and I ever since." Your voice cracked on the last sentence. You looked away from me, not allowing yourself to show a weakness.  
  
"I couldn't bear it if Shizuka was killed....I wouldn't really have anything else to live for."  
  
"What about your parents?" You looked at me, slightly curious. You looked cute when you did that. You kind of cocked your head to the side, and your eyes narrowed a bit. It wasn't something I saw on you everyday.  
  
"You mean that bitch that calls herself my mother and the drunk that helped conceive me?" I asked, shrugging. "No, my parents don't give a damn about me. And truthfully, I could care less. What about your father? He loves you."  
  
"I wish he would show it...." You say quietly, sighing. "He's always in Egypt or some foreign country. It's really lonely. The only friend I really have is Bakura and well....he's not exactly a friend. Just an acquaintance."  
  
"I think he cares for you more than you know, Ryou." I said, resting a hand on your shoulder. "He was worried for you when you were in the hospital. He still is worried....he just doesn't know how to show it."  
  
"I guess......"  
  
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You were like that a lot that month. You seemed to be in a constant state of depression. But the worst part came is when you came back from the doctor. He had informed you that the disease had left your heart in heart failure and in an extremely weak condition. If they could find one for you, you needed a heart transplant. But the chances of you finding one soon enough were almost slim to none. According to the doctor, you had about a month to live.  
  
"Maybe something like a miracle will happen. You know?"  
  
You had sighed and stared at me like I was stupid. "Jounouchi....you know the odds of them finding a heart for me are slim. They can't just pick out any heart, you know. It has to match my blood type or it will kill me."  
  
"You don't believe in miracles?"  
  
"Yes.....but one isn't going to happen right now, Jounouchi. Let it go." You say, making your way up the stairs. Halfway up, you clutched at your chest, breathing hard. I ran up there to see what was the matter. You looked at me and shuddered. "It's another attack." You said, softly. "The doctor said I would have those...they're similar to heart attacks, but they don't do the damage."  
  
"Are you okay?" I asked, not sure what to do. You nodded you head, standing straight again. "Do I need to call an ambulance?" You shook your head again, making your way to the bedroom to lie down. I soon found out that those things completely drained you of your energy, making you very weak again.  
  
"Do you believe in God?"  
  
That question caught me off guard too. Although Ryou was raised in England and Catholics are the main religion there, I never really thought about Ryou being a religious person. Christianity is a minority here in Japan and it's hard to find a fellow one. Mine's even tougher; I was raised Jewish. It's hard enough to find a Christian church in a Shinto and Buddist nation....try finding a Jewish one.  
  
I nodded at you, sitting on the edge of your bed. "Yea...I do. My mother's grandmother is from Israel, so I was raised Jewish. We don't really practice anymore...if I'm anything I'm Christian." I shrugged. "But yes, I do believe in God.....you?"  
  
You smiled and nodded. "Anglican." You said, still smiling. "Religion of the Church of England. I find religion comforting, you know? To know that I'm going somewhere when I die instead of just....ceasing to exist. Heaven sounds so much better than not existing...and A LOT better than Hell."  
  
I nodded and you closed your eyes, obviously tired. I stroked back you hair as I watched you sleep, bendng down to kiss your forehead. You truley were a beautiful person. Inside and out.  
  
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Things had gone downhill from there. You continued to get sicker and sicker until finally one day, after finding you passed out in the middle of the hallway, they admitted you back into the hospital. I continued to stay by your side, scared something would happen and you wouldn't have anyone there. I held your hand, squeezing it every once in a while and feeling you squeeze back.  
  
"Jou...nouchi?"  
  
I looked down to see you looking up at me. It was a horrible site seeing you there in that position. You were very pale, paler than normal and your breathing was very shallow. You had those tubes up your nose and an IV in your arm. It was strange seeing a friend who was, although shy, once a great person in such a horrible position.  
  
And I couldn't get the sick feeling out of my stomach that you wouldn't come out of this hospital alive.  
  
I squeezed your hand again and you smiled, sighing quietly. You looked out your window, watching as a few butterflies flew by, almost seemingly in a chase with one another. You smiled and pointed at it. "Look....free spirits."  
  
I chuckled but you looked serious. "They are," You argued quietly. "They're like....little angels almost. I know....silly for me to think that huh? You know what they remind me of? This is stupid but....they kind of remind me of what I think Heaven looks like. If butterflies are the beauties of this world, I can only imagine what it is there."  
  
"As it is in Heaven, huh?"  
  
"Yea....." He smiled and closed his eyes "Silly, huh?"  
  
I shook my head, watching the butterflies with you and hearing your shallow breathing. The butterflies were beautiful. They were like a unique kind, some I've never seen before. They were blue, purple and black. Very very pretty. I'm not a butterfly kind of guy, but I certainly liked those.  
  
We sat there and watched them for what it seemed like forever. After that moment, I didn't need to look down to know that you had already passed on. Call it intuition..or call it the extra butterfly that suddenly appeared.  
  
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You were unique, Ryou. And despite what you thought, you will be missed. All of the gang broke down when they were told....actually most people in the class did. Most of all Miho, that girl that had the biggest crush on you.  
  
And what about Bakura...well...he kind of ceases to exist now. I guess he's still trapped in that ring that you always wore around your neck, but I guess when the host dies, the spirit dies too. It's actually kind of lonely here without him, even though he was just SLIGHTLY psycho. No one to pick fights with anymore...he was always good at arguments.  
  
I most of all will miss you. Those last few weeks with you were....well amazing. And I'm sure you're happy. You're probably with your mother and sister, looking down on me and going 'Jounouchi you dumbass, stop whining over me. I'm fine.'  
  
Yea...I'm sure you are Ryou...I'm sure you are. 


End file.
